


I Love You.

by bristrandd



Category: 9-1-1: Lone Star (TV 2020)
Genre: 9-1-1 Lone Star - Freeform, Alex is a bitch no one likes, Angst, Carlos is a Good Boyfriend, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, Late at Night, M/M, Past Drug Addiction, Protective Firehouse 126 Crew, Romance, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Spiraling, TK is hoes sad, Tarlos - Freeform, Toxic Relationship, Worried Judd, still dk what to tag, tk admits his feelings, worried owen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23912698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bristrandd/pseuds/bristrandd
Summary: TK had a pretty bad day and Alex arriving at the firehouse did nothing but send him spiraling.
Relationships: Carlos Reyes/TK Strand, Judd Ryder & TK Strand
Comments: 20
Kudos: 377
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	1. Finally Returns (Returns, Returns)

TK watched as Carlos got up from the dinner table and retreated to their— _Carlos’_ —room. He set down his fork on the yellow-colored plate. He took his hand and ran it through his hair, letting a soft sob pass his lips. He bit the inside of his cheek, holding in the tears as his bottom lip wobble and trembled. 

“I didn’t mean it,” he whispered. The dam had broken and TK lowered his head, palms pressing into his eyes as he let out his agony. _Stupid TK_ , he thought pitifully. _Always messin something up_. 

Reliving the argument, TK began to cry harder, sobs silent yet they screamed for help. He shook his head at himself, biting on his knuckle, and opened his eyes to see no one on the other side of the table. The beautiful man he _loved_ wasn’t there. He was in his room, sleeping. TK’s eyes burnt as he blinked but despite the pain, he sucked it up and dumped the food on his and Carlos’ plate into the trash before placing them into the sink. 

Wandering off into the bathroom, TK stared at his reflection, mumbling a “Fuck you” before he turned the cold water knob and splashed the liquid onto his face. He pulled on the hem of his—actually, it was Carlos’, wasn’t it?—T-shirt and leaned on the doorway to the room, watching Carlos sleep on his right side, back turned to him. 

Tears were still in his eyes, occasionally sliding out of his eyes, as he stared at the other male. He didn’t know how long he was there nor what time it was, but Carlos eventually said, “Get in and go to sleep, TK.” 

And TK obeyed. 

TK didn’t sleep. No matter how hard he tried, he hadn’t had the ability to close his eyes and drift off. He repeated the first 25 digits—actually, it had been the first 9. The rest were random numbers. TK was ass at math—of Pi, sung the ABC’s, and recited chapter 23 of the F.D.N.Y. 's Probie Manual (it was Decontacontiaction Procedures). Soon, it was 5 A.M. and TK had to wake up. Peering over his shoulder, he assured himself Carlos was still asleep before pushing himself up and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing a cup of straight black coffee, he got dressed for his shift. 

After 20 minutes of messing with his hair in the bathroom, he tiredly pushed himself to wish Carlos goodbye. Standing at the door frame as he did so many hours ago, he whispered, “Goodbye, my love. I’m sorry.” He grabbed his ugly green duffel bag and walked out, making sure he locked the door. 

Carlos heard everything. 

Living the life of a first responder, every single day was different. Some days would be filled with tragedies and unfortunate events but the next would be excruciatingly slow and uneventful. There would be days that were mixed in between. Today had been one of the slow, uneventful yet tragedies that struck TK like no other. 

Walking in, the Probie instantly mocked on him for his zombie appearance. He rolled his eyes and flipped him off, negative energy evident in his actions. Several hours later, the 126 had a run to their first call: 27 Oak Lane. The dispatcher said the call shouldn’t be too difficult but was ghastly repulsing. A woman—her name was Lindsey—had fallen off her roof and had a traumatic head injury along with impalement of a tree branch in her left shin. 

At the time of fire’s arrival, she had gone into cardiac arrest and TK was ordered to do CPR on her. Unfortunately, there had been no way to save her, them coming onto the scene too late. Another call took place after that, leaving TK to drown in the loss of Lindsey. _He could have saved her, but he didn’t._

They arrived back at the station, everyone’s mood down at the loss, as they trailed out of the truck, all searching for something to distract their minds. TK, though, headed to their sleeping quarters to sleep off his pain. He couldn’t do something violent, couldn’t distract himself with a thrill and he was too tired to even configure a sentence so he lied down on his bed and pulled the covers up to his chin and slowly drifted off to sleep with Buttercup lying his head on TK’s thighs. 

Though, the dreamless catnap was soon ripped away from him as Marjan shook him awake. He peeled open one eye, looking up at her as he yawned. 

“What?” He asked, voice rough from disuse and slumber. 

“Someone’s here to see you.” TK shot up, his next question seeming _almost_ (it was) desperate. 

“Is it Carlos?” She shook her head left and right, signally no. He sighed, shoulders slumping, as he pushed the covers off of himself. Buttercup was no longer accompanying him. “Who, then?” 

“I have no clue. He says he knows you, though,” Marjan said. She turned on her heels and walked out. _Who the hell would want to visit him?_ TK formed fists, rubbing sleep out of his eyes as he walked, trailing behind Marjan. The anticipation to see who was there was eating him up but at the same time, disappointment that it hadn’t been Carlos was drowning him. He didn’t have to go in today. TK was sure he was supposed to go see his mother after lunch and Carlos would’ve come to TK himself, so he doesn’t even know why he asked Marjan if he was there. 

God, he hates himself. 

Going down the stairwell, he pauses at the last step, eyes wide as he bit his tongue. A tall, beautiful dark-skinned man stood there. His posture was confident, shoulders back and hands in front of himself as he raised his eyebrows at TK, showing a smile that TK _knew_ wasn’t friendly. 

“Alex?” He whimpered, now shrinking into himself, fully awakened by his ex’s presence. “I—uh—what are you doing here?” From his peripheral vision, TK could see Judd standing up straighter and Paul picking up something heavy—just to flex—and Marjan glaring at him with no shame. 

“You know, dear, it would’ve been lovely if you started off with a ‘hello’ first,” Alex remarked. His voice sounded different. It was deeper and TK didn’t know if he was doing it purposely or not. Not only was it deeper, but the tone was also more strict and unfriendly than it was when Alex left him at the restaurant or when he first met the latter. 

TK scoffed. “Whatever.” Rolling his eyes, he began to walk to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. He always hated this part. Alex was here to start something, make a scene, and turn TK into the bad guy. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” 

“What do you think _you’re_ doing here?” TK shot back. “Nobody invited you.” 

“I’m here for you, baby. Take me out to dinner again and I promise you this answer will satisfy you. You still have the ring, right? Because, if not—” TK groaned loudly causing Alex to stop. “What?” 

“You’re here to win me back? After everything? After you literally broke my heart with _zero_ remorse and hesitation? God, you are so embarrassing, Alex.” TK’s fists were clenched tightly as the skin on his knuckles slowly turned pale. Jaw clenched, he looked over at his crew, his dad lingering in the back. He made eye contact and he relaxed, although not all the way. The man gave him a bit of relief knowing he would back him up if TK needed anything. 

Albeit, the numbness slowly crawled back, gripping TK by the neck and yanking him back into the inky water. The relief was there, but the numbness overpowered it, causing it to spiral out of the equation. The relief being replaced with fear and anger and _pain_. The numbness mixed with the pain and it felt like an explosion. Because, obviously, the two don’t go together. It’s one or the other, right? 

“You are such a spoiled _brat_ , Tyler. I’m offering you a second chance and you’re not taking it like you should,” Alex started. His tone was getting higher, almost as if he was shouting because he's sure as hell was talking in anything but an inside voice. “And I’m the embarrassment? Really? Double-check yourself, sunshine.” 

“Like I should? _Like I should?_ Alexander, _you_ were the one who came here willing. Take no as a fucking answer!” 

“I know you’re not using that voice with me! You know better and you know what happens, TK. I am not your father,” Alex challenged. The rest of his crew was forgotten as the argument droned on but he was surprised not anyone jumped in. He, despite the fact, was glad. He _needed_ this. 

This was the release TK needed. Not _wanted_ but _needed_. All of this anger, agony, fear, cravings was able to get released. It may not be violence or physical pain TK’s receiving but that thrill was still present. 

“You were the one who tried to kill themself!” 

“You were the one who _hurt_ me. I had to lie to my dad because of your psychotic bitchass. Is that why Mitchell left you? Because he got the chance to realize how insane you are before you placed your hands on him? Or am I the special one? Huh?” 

“Dammit, TK! Can’t you keep your mouth shut? You are so fucking worthless, why would you be special? And I never beat you!” The words struck TK in the heart, as all the other times and arguments had. TK didn’t pay any mind, being used to the name-calling and slurs, but that didn’t mean they didn’t hurt. His mind would revisit it later and he’d fall back into the water, this time suicidal thoughts dragging him where the unnatural urges to hurt himself and ache in his chest resided. 

“Don’t—don’t do that! Don’t lie like that! You know what you did and you know what you are!” His heart was beating so fast he felt as if he was going to die. He felt like this when he got shot, minus less blood and people surrounding him. He could feel his breathing spike up and the panic attack beginning to roll in. _Walk away. Walk away. Walk away._

“TK, if you don’t shut the hell up and get into my car, I swear!” 

“Uh-huh, of course. What are you going to do about it?” Alex stepped closer but TK couldn’t back up from where he was at. He was frozen, stuck in place as the man he once loved—why’d he love him?—approached him. The way he was walking indicated that he was going to put his hands on him. He was going to get hurt. 

Why couldn’t he move? _He deserves it anyway._

* * *

“What’s on your mind, hijo?” Gabriela, Carlos’ mother, asked as she pulled her plate of empanadas up to her chest and took a bite. Carlos sighed and rubbed at his chin, a clear signal he was stressing, and swallowed. 

“Nothin. What—uh—what would be wrong?” Gabriela rolled her eyes, putting her plate down on the wooden table in her backyard and grabbed her son’s hand. 

“Nene, I can see something’s up. Now, tell me.” Carlos let out a forced huff of laughter and looked the other way. 

“Just didn’t get much sleep last night.” 

“Oh!” Gabriela exclaimed. “I can see that but _why_ ?” _Swallow your pride and let it out, Carlos._ Fucking Michelle. She would say it all the time, especially in times where Carlos was internally struggling. She would say it now if she were here. 

“TK and I got into a fight last night…” he mumbled, voice trailing off almost as if he were going to explain the situation but refused. 

“Oh, _amor_. Would you like to say why?” 

“I …” Wait, _why_ did they fight in the first place? “Don’t know.” 

“You two never fight. Something had to happen.” Carlos rubbed at his eyes with his palms before placing his chin on his right one. 

“I had a shit shift yesterday, madre. I took it out on him… and he flinched in a weird way, I guess you could say, when I lifted up my arm and when I asked why he just told me to go fuck myself and I stormed off,” Carlos explain, the memories rushing back in. “I couldn’t sleep and I don’t think he could either. I just… I don’t know why he reacted like that. Like—like I was going to hit him or something. He _knows_ I’d never do anything to hurt him and I could feel him like thinking crazy last night, even with my back turned to him, and I wanted to reach over to ask him what was wrong but I don’t know if he would’ve gotten even madder. I heard him crying in the kitchen and I wanted to go comfort him but I don’t know if he would’ve accepted it or not. And—and—and—” 

“Calm down, hijo. Breathe, okay? With me—in and out. Yes, just like that,” Gabriela demanded, gesturing to her chest as she inhaled slowly and exhaled. Carlos, of course, followed as he calmed down slightly. “Have you talked to him about it yet?” 

“No! I’m too scared to message him. Mierda, I sound so _stupid_. I’m such a horrible person, madre, I’m so horrible,” Carlos cried, shaking his head back and forth as if he was ashamed of himself (he was), evidently on the verge of tears. Gabriela stood up, making her way to her son’s side and rubbed her small hand up and down his back. 

“Estás bien, cariño. Estas bien,” Gabriela reassured, repeating the words like a chant. 

“No, madre. No, no estoy bien. No,” Carlos moaned. He covered his face with his hand. _Fuck stress_ , he thought. 

“Text him and ask him to come over and you guys will talk it out, sí?” 

“What would I say, mama? Help me, _please_.” Carlos picked his phone out of his jean pocket ready to text TK but halted himself as he stared at the missed messages. _4 missed texts from Captain Strand? The hell?_

“Well, you could say—” 

“Wait, madre, detente.” Gabriela raised her eyebrows, throwing him a sassy look before Carlos looked over at her. “Owen—he texted me. Uh—fuck!” 

“Que? ¿Qué pasó?” 

“Alex,” Carlos slurred. “He’s here. In Austin. Arguing with Ty. Oh my—” 

“Go get your boy, niño. And talk to him about it, is that understood?” 

“But—but—but lunch, madre!” Carlos fought.

“He needs you right now. And he’s my favorite so go fight for him. We’ll reschedule,” Gabriela soothed. Carlos quickly pecked her on the cheek. 

“¡Gracias! ¡Te amo!” He shouted, running out of the backyard and to his Camaro. 

_Fucking Alex_.

* * *

| **Owen Strand**

_Carlos I need U to come down here asap_

| **Owen Strand**

_Alex is here w TK and its not good and they’re arguing omg_

| **Owen Strand**

_Pls hurry he needs u_

| **Owen Strand**

_Carlos???_

**Carlos Reyes** |

_Yes sir I am omw_

Carlos didn’t know what to think. So many questions were running through his mind, he felt as if his brain was running the Austin marathon he participated in every February 19th. Doing pedal to the metal, Carlos drove as safely as he could to the firehouse. Gabriela’s house was just on the outskirts of Austin, meaning it took a bit longer than it would have if Carlos would have driven from his home. After all, Austin is not a small town. 

Why is Alex there? With TK? Does TK still have feelings for—wait. No. Why would he ever think that? He knows TK wouldn’t do that to him, right? Plus, Owen mentioned the two were fighting meaning he couldn’t still have any type of feelings for him.

Turning on Sirius XM, he turned up the music a bit, in any hope of drowning out his thoughts and expectations when he got there. After 6 more minutes of driving (which, to Carlos, felt like an eternity), he finally arrived at the firehouse. He could feel the tension in the air and he hasn’t even stepped out yet. 

He slammed his palm down on the off button for the radio and shut down his car. As fast as he could, he hopped out and flung his door shut and ran into the open garage doors but stopped once he saw the situation. Marjan and Owen were dragging TK away and Judd had some guy pinned against the truck. Judd and Paul obviously grumbling threats that Carlos wasn’t in earshot for. Mateo stood back a bit, eyes wide with shock before falling onto Carlos. 

_What the fuck?_

* * *

It came out of nowhere. The back of Alex’s hand was rough and cracked. It hit TK’s cheekbone and the knuckles hit the very bottom of his temple, causing him to grab at the left side of his face, a cry leaving him and his vision to sway at impact. 

TK brought his hand to swing back before Alex caught it and shoved him back. Falling on his tailbone, Alex towered over him, about to straddle him. TK lifted his arms up to protect his face from the blows but they never came. He felt arms on him and ready to fight back against Alex, his dad’s voice was heard. 

“Calm down, son,” Owen whispered. TK turned his head to meet Marjan and Owen looking down at him before helping him up. 

“Don’t you ever touch him like that! You hear me, bitch? _Don’t ever_ .” Judd’s shouts were loud and booming. TK watched as Paul and Judd backed Alex up against the truck. Alex held his wrist in obvious pain. _Someone hurt him_ , TK noticed. 

TK then noticed something else. His boyfriend was here. In the firehouse. TK watched as Alex slipped out between Paul and running out the back so Carlos couldn’t even see what he looked like. It didn’t matter, anyway, because Carlos was more focused on TK. _His TK_. 

Then it hit him. Wasn’t Carlos supposed to be out with his mother? The hell is he doing here? 

“Ty!” Carlos exclaimed. TK shakily pushed himself up on his wobbly arms and walked over towards Carlos. He paused in shock as Carlos wrapped his tanned arms around TK’s middle, breathing him in. He stilled before relaxing and leaning into the touch. 

“I thought you were out with Gabriela?” TK whispered in his ear. Carlos pulled back, clammy palms resting on both sides of TK’s face. 

“I had something more important to attend to. She said we could raincheck.” TK nodded before turning to look back at his dad, who was still standing next to Marjan. He nodded before waving a hand at the two and left the bay area. Most likely leaving to go to his office, the rest of the team got the memo and all slowly began to vacate.

The two hugged for a while longer before Carlos pulled away from TK, peering down at his phone. 

| **Owen Strand**

_Get him out of here. I don’t care where just not here_

“Let’s go,” Carlos said, pulling on TK’s hand toward his Camaro. 

So, they did. 

* * *

Carlos drove them around for quite some time before making his way off of the freeway. TK peered over at Carlos, eyeing him up and down then looking back out the window. TK pulled at the skin with this index finger and thumb causing it to turn a sickening crimson color. Mustering up his confidence, TK turned towards Carlos, a sincere yet quiet, “I’m sorry.” passing his lips before he could halt himself. 

“What’d you say?” Carlos asked. He heard TK, he did, but Carlos wanted to confirm that he said what he thought he heard. Because, to Carlos, TK had nothing wrong. 

TK swallowed hard. “I said I’m sorry.” Carlos hummed, keeping silent for a minute. Maybe to keep TK on his toes but that was between Carlos and his thoughts. 

“What for?” Expecting a response, it never came, causing Carlos’ eyes to leave the road for a second to look at TK, to read his expressions, to see what was bothering his love. It only took a second. “Alex arriving at the firehouse wasn’t your fault.” 

“Never said it was.” 

Around 30 minutes later, the couple arrived. Carlos hopped out and closed the door, leaving TK seated inside the car for a few seconds before he too got out. TK scratched at his head, tilting it to the side as if he was a confused puppy and asked, “So, where are we?” 

“Just follow me, TK.” 

The sun was setting and the sky was painted with a beautiful hue of orange and pink. Whenever the wind blew, TK would shiver. The trees stood tall around them and the dead leaves would fall occasionally. The ones on the ground would crunch and disintegrate. 

They had gotten to the point in the woods where moss infected cobblestone stairs led to a bench that had an overview of a pond. The water was slightly green from algae. It was peaceful despite the fact that TK was internally freaking out. He had a new problem. 

_I love you_. 


	2. How Fast the Night Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **please reread the first chapter!! i completely rewrote it so its different jaja. 
> 
> so there's now five parts. that's fun. honestly trying to finish this story before the end of 2020 but idk if that's gonna happen. at least there's a new chapter ((: 
> 
> song's title is from "night changes" by one direction. (pls i miss the boys sm) 
> 
> hope u guys enjoy!!

Carlos led TK to the bench and sat down. TK sat to the left of him and placed his cheek on Carlos’s shoulder. They sat in silence for a while, the only sounds to be heard were the wildlife surrounding them and the uneven breathing from TK. 

And TK… well, frankly, he didn’t know what to think. His thoughts are unorganized, flying from one subject to another, random assumptions and worries. He was still the first to talk. He was ready. 

“It’s so pretty here,” he said. Carlos hummed, a soft sound of agreement and that was all it took to fill TK’s stomach with butterflies. 

“That it is.” Carlos smiled. They then fell into another silence. 

* * *

Relationships are hard. Complicated. They're confusing and it involves communication. Communication, though, was _not_ TK's forte. It didn't work in his first relationship (yet, it was a middle school one, so that would make total sense), it didn't work in his second or third, it definitely didn't work with Alex and TK's only plea to God was that it would work with Carlos. 

TK sighed, scooting closer to Carlos, and laid his head on his shoulder. Carlos, without hesitation, moved his arm around TK's shoulder and pulled him as close as he could. It didn't do much considering that they were closer than humanly possible. TK felt his heart flutter with the realization (another one; the wonders this day caused): this is all he ever wanted in one person, in a relationship. What a beautiful feeling. 

_I love you_. 

"Can I tell you something?" Carlos asked. 

"Of course." 

"I was about 19 when I was in a relationship with this guy. His name was Louis. I was still in the academy during that time so I was really focused on graduating. I mean, this _is_ my dream. I've wanted it for as long as I could remember. Anyway, the breakup went horrible—nuclear bad, as you say." TK chuckled at that, the brief memory of the police station flashing in his mind. Carlos continued, "It was one of the breakups that really stuck with me. I used to think about it all the time because I really cared about him. I did, truly, but he wasn't right for me. He wasn't as supportive of my job as everyone else is. Personally, I don't think he really liked cops and that was just another excuse to leave. We yelled and screamed and he broke stuff. It went on forever, it felt like it, at least. And then he left and I never spoke to him again. I haven't been with any since him. Sure, I've hooked up with people, I have needs, too. But you've been the first since him that I actually felt something heavy for." 

"I'm sorry," TK said softly. He moved out of Carlos's embrace to look at him in the eyes. "And you meant it? That failed dinner—which I'm still sorry for, by the way—that you haven't really done _this_ with anyone else?"

"I thought I wouldn't find anyone and if I'm not anticipating a future with them, well, I don't want it. If they're not looking to marry, there's no point. My madre taught me that. She told me, and I quote, 'Carlos Matias Reyes, if you are going to be with someone, be assured that you will marry them one day. If not, don't waste your time.' I live by that." 

"My dad was entirely about grand gestures. I guess that's why I did what I did with Alex. He was a bitch, I see it now, but I thought he was perfect. Despite all the slurs he called me and the way he threatened me, I thought our relationship was perfect. It's so embarrassing how blind I've been. And seeing him today? It brought everything back. I guess he was right. Good enough for sex, not good enough to spend forever with." And then the glass bowl filled to the brim with all his regrets fell and shattered. TK's chin trembled, biting his lip in an attempt to hold it back but failed. His shoulders shook as his breathing hitched with the hope to not let out a sound. He choked and turned away from Carlos. He couldn't see him vulnerable. He stared at the lake as tears fell. He needs to stop crying. He dug his fingernails into his palms before placing them into his hoodie pocket. _Stop crying, little bitch_. 

Strong, muscular arms wrapped around his middle, lips kissing his hairline, and a string of, "You're okay. It'll be okay." was heard. _Just breathe, TK. There's no reason for you to throw a tantrum_. 

"I'm sorry," his voice trembled. "I'm so sorry." 

"It's okay, baby. Just breathe for me, alright?" Carlos's voice was a reassurance, a calming sound that'll always feel like home, a voice he hopes he'll always come home to. _I love you_. 

* * *

Everything was blurry but TK knew where he was. The hospital. The all—too clean scents filled his nose as he breathed. Slow and steady. He let out a groan as he felt pressure build up in his left leg. His ribs felt like they were on fire. TK blinked and got met with the face he loved: his father. 

"You're awake," his father said, a sad smile on his lips. TK felt Owen's rough padded fingers stroke his cheek and he nodded. 

"What happened?" 

"There was a small fire on a boat and your leg got stuck in a huge ass hole in the pier. You broke your leg and the doctor said your ribs will hurt, too. A few months until you can return. That's the hope, though." TK nodded before looking around. Was he not here? Dammit. 

"So, where's Alex?" Owen's smile fell and TK could swear his heart stopped. Owen pressed a kiss to his forehead and pulled back. 

"Get some rest. You'll need it," Owen said. "I have a shift. I love you." And then he left. TK's eyebrows furrowed as he sighed, pain sketched into his facial expressions. Sorrow filled TK's insides and he bit his lip. Why was he never here? 

* * *

"Thank you," TK wiped his eyes. "I'm sorry. I don't know what that was. I didn't intend to, you know, cry all over you."

"It's fine, Tyler. Do you, I don't know, maybe want to _talk_ about your relationship with him?" Carlos asked. TK looked over to him, eyes going up and down before he nodded with a sigh. "Don't feel obligated to." 

"I think he liked the uniform, not what came with it. With him, he didn't get the hard days or more so, he didn't want to deal with it. You understand because you're a cop. You can understand how I feel meanwhile, with a fuckin fitness trainer, he had no clue what I felt. I laugh about it sometimes because it just makes sense. A trainer with his trainee. It makes sense, doesn't it? I went with him one time because I had nothing else to do and it was right in front of me. Right in front of me, Carlos! He was feeling up some female spinner. He always said it was a part of the job and I _believed_ him. Our relationship was great at first. Almost everything I wanted with someone was with him. The dates, the touches, the intimacy, how close we were; that's all I ever wanted. 

"Then he slowly became angry and I never knew why. I had a hard time talking with him because the second I try to talk out how _I_ feel, he starts yelling and cutting me off. He never let me speak and if I came home from work in a bad mood, he'd give me shit. That's why I moved out. I suppose it was my fault but it was a mutual feeling. I wanted a bit of a break so I stayed at some Air BnB in Seacacus because I hate New York hotels. And then the week I wanted to spend by myself, turned to weeks, and then Alex moved in with a 'friend' so I moved back to my apartment. I felt him slipping away. I felt him leaving so I did what Dad always does: a grand gesture. And it blew up in my face. He absolutely destroyed my self-worth and self-confidence. Not only that, but I lost my sobriety because of him and it hurts. It hurts so much. It's not even about him anymore. It never was. It just... I lost everything. Everything." TK's shoulders slumped as he sighed again. He placed his head in his hand as the numbness crawled up and made home in his chest. 

"Can I hug you?" Carlos asked. TK nodded. The arms he loved wrapped around him again and TK held tightly onto the hands that met on the side of his hip. 

"What would I do without you?" TK muttered. He felt a puff of air hit his neck knowing instantly it made him laugh. He smiled.

"Probably never know of this gorgeous place." 

"Shut up." 

_I love_ _you_. 

* * *

Hours passed by and the sun was now gone. It was getting chilly but neither of the two were ready to get up yet. It was calming and TK wished he could stay here forever in Carlos's arms as the biggest star anybody knows of slowly goes down as it leaves the sky painted with many different hues of orange, pink, and purple. It gave TK the feeling of comfort and he's never felt safer. 

"We should get going," Carlos started, pulling out of TK's embrace as he stood up. "It's getting late and I honestly don't think it's the _best_ place to get lost." Carlos offered him a soft smile, eyes filled with nothing but adoration. TK returned the gesture and was about to get up too but his gut decided otherwise. 

"Actually, can you sit down? I think I need to talk to you about something." The soft look was soon replaced with instant worry as Carlos sat down on the now freezing bend, hands gripping TK's warm ones. 

"Of course. What's going on?" TK looked at him with hesitation. Was it really worth it being this open? What if he doesn't say it back? What if he just... leaves? 

TK gave him a smile as he remembered all the reasons he loved him. The time he held him and let him in his home while he broke down over his dying father, the time he cooked him his favorite dish his mother always made him, the times Carlos, TK and Buttercup spent together, how kind and caring he is towards his father, how amazing sex was, how he always made sure TK was comfortable and safe, the time he drove him home from the hospital and how his dad told him how Carlos has been there for him when he got shot the whole time. _Fuck it_. 

"I made the realization—actually, quite a few but that's not the point—about a way I feel towards you. Four months ago I would've been terrified to admit it and I would've never done it but now? Now I truly understand how it feels to be loved. After all the years of being abandoned by my friends, my exes, hell even my own parents, I think I found someone who would've never left. And that's you. Not once I ever felt like you didn't care about my emotions, if I was safe or not, if I ate or drank. You took any alcohol out of your home so _I_ would feel comfortable. I never met someone like you and you're amazing and beautiful and such a pure and genuine person. So, I love you." The look on Carlos's face was everything yet TK doesn't know how he would describe it. Shock? Amazement? Everything? 

"Do you mean it?" 

"Would I have said it if I didn't?" Carlos let out a wet laugh. 

"You have no clue how long I've been hoping to hear that. Can I say it back?" 

"Only if you mean it." 

"I love you so much," Carlos started. "You mean the whole world to me. I don't know what I would do without you, Tyler Kennedy." TK rolled his eyes. 

"You didn't have to use my full name, you know?" Carlos kissed the tip of his nose. 

"I'm going to tell the whole world that Tyler Kennedy Strand's in love with me." 

_I love you_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is shorter than i would've liked but oh well tehe. excuse any and all spelling/grammar mistakes. comments/kudos r hella appreciated!
> 
> thank you for reading. this story got way more attention than i actually expected so thank u guys for that. remember: drink water, use ur voice for the ones who are silenced, take nothing for granted, and wear ur mask!! we'll get thru this eventually, in tk strand's words, as a team. i love you all <3


	3. The World's a Little Bit Blurry

Shopping; it’s not a complicated task. Sure, it’s a chore that Carlos _hates_ doing but TK was at work, therefore, he couldn’t do it. Carlos peered down at his shopping list and sighed. 

“Where the hell is the shrimp?” he muttered under his breath. He looked up, eyes scanning all of the signs that hung on the ceiling. He slowly moved the shopping cart down aisle 13 and made his way over to the freezer side of the store. 

“You lookin for shrimp? Try aisle 9,” a soft voice spoke up from behind him. The accent that came with the voice reminded him of TK’s when he first came to Austin. That New Yorker accent. Carlos turned around and made eye contact with a tall, lean dark-skinned man. 

“Already looked.” 

“Oh,” he said. “You know TK Strand?” Carlos furrowed his eyebrows and stood up straighter. 

“Who’s asking?” 

“You’re wearing his Austin Fire hoodie. Says ‘Strand’ on the back.” 

“Right,” Carlos said as he pulled down the sleeves over his palms. The gesture had been picked up from TK. A nervous tick of his and now he did it randomly but mainly to seek comfort. "You know him?” 

“Probably more than you do.” Carlos studied the man, eyeing him in a way Officer Reyes does. The man no doubt made him uncomfortable and he had this presence that was intimidating but judging by the way the man talked and his posture, Carlos knew he did no harm. Like how TK referred to Judd: all talk, no bite. 

_Probably more than you do_. What was that supposed to mean? And why’d it strike a nerve? Carlos _knows_ TK or so he liked to think. Maybe not as much as Owen knows TK but he would say he knows a decent amount about his boyfriend. Like how he likes to sleep with his head under the pillows instead of on it; how he’s an addict and struggles with staying sober but his father is a huge help; his Dunkin Donuts & boba order; what products he uses when he showers; how he used to keep his hair long but cut it when he joined the academy and so much more. So how does this man know more about TK than Carlos does? 

“I doubt that but alright, man.” The man chuckled before moving closer to Carlos. Carlos screwed his jaw tight, eyes pointed in a glare. 

“But he was the one who wanted to marry _me_ , so try again, _man_.” Oh… so _this_ is Alex. Really? This is the man TK wanted to marry? He could feel the gears turning in his head as his blood boiled. He clenched his fists and inhaled deeply through his nose. 

“Alex.” Even saying the name felt like poison on the tongue. Alex gave him a wonky smirk that gave his eyes this eerie glow. It irked Carlos. 

“That’s me, sure,” he said. “See you around.” Alex turned on his heel, making his way towards aisle 14 but Carlos couldn’t help himself and ask that question that he wanted to know ever since TK told him about the nuclear bad relationship. 

“Why?” Alex turned around, cocked his head, and walked closer to Carlos with his thick eyebrows furrowed. 

“Why? What—what do you mean why?” 

“Why would you do that to him? After everything, Alex, why come back?” There was more Carlos wanted to add. Hell, Carlos wanted to blow upon him. Yell at him, call him hurtful names, maybe even rock his shit but he knew better than to do that. Plus, they were in a supermarket.

“Carlos, isn’t it?” After a firm nod from the latter, he carried on, “Meet me at Park Place tomorrow at 7 and maybe—just maybe—I’ll fill you in.” Alex then walked off, leaving Carlos with a bubble of pure anger in his chest. The bag of shrimp that Carlos was going to buy was long forgotten as he crumbled up the shopping list and shoved it in his hoodie pocket. He fished out his phone, calling a person who was on speed dial: Captain Owen Strand. 

This, though, is why Carlos _hates_ shopping. 

* * *

"This is Captain Owen Strand. Sorry I can't get to the phone right—" Carlos hung up as he walked out of Central Market, his shopping cart left abandoned in the middle of the aisle that he had made contact with Alex in. It shouldn't affect him like this, he knew he was overreacting, yet his own insecurities surrounded him and laughed in his face. TK wouldn't go back to Alex, not after everything that happened between them, not after he admitted he loved him. He knows that TK wouldn't break up with him and go to Alex, all the way back to New York and forgive him. No, Carlos knew that wasn't what bothered him. Aside from the forgiving bit, of course. How could you possibly be like, "It's okay" after that? 

Carlos was more afraid he'd befriend him. So afraid he'd slowly forget about Carlos. So, so afraid he'll leave him because of who he is. 

Horrified he'll have to watch TK fall out of love with him. Just the way TK had to watch Alex fall out of love with him. Realistically, he understands TK would never cheat on him, not after the damage it left on himself. 

He got into his Camaro—the thing he loves only a little less than TK—and sighed, throwing his head back against the headrest. He turned his head to the right of him, wishing TK was there. He wouldn't be as upset. He started up his car, pressing the red "start" button, and smiled a little as his and TK's Spotify playlist started playing instantly. A small reminder of how happy he is, how far both of them came, how comfortable they've managed to get. They went from quick fucks to washing each other's hair in the shower as they shared kisses under the burning stream of water. 

In the middle of "In My Room" by Frank Ocean, Owen returned his call. He inhaled sharply before pressing accept. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi, Captain Strand," Carlos said, drumming his fingers against the horn. 

"Thought we agreed; out of work—" 

"We say 'Carlos' and 'Owen'. My apologies." 

"Don't apologize," Owen started. "But what's up? I see you called me." 

"I saw Alex." 

"Excuse me?" Carlos could sense the shock in Owen's voice, the anger and worry overlapping the regular tone. 

"Yeah," Carlos said, moving his head to look at the store in front of him. "I just saw him at Central Market. You know on North Lamar Boulevard?" 

"TK mentioned it once, sure. What was he doing there? What does he want? Wait, does TK even know?" 

“He doesn’t, no. I just… I don’t know what to say to him, how to bring it up. I don’t want to disrupt him at work so I called you. I don’t want to ruin his mood, you know? He seemed so happy walking into work today.” 

“That he was,” Owen replied hastily. “Did Alex say anything to you?” 

“Well, yeah. He came up to me, asking me if I knew TK. And now? Apparently, I have to meet up with him tomorrow at 7. I don’t even remember what was said and now I’m kind of freaking out.” 

“I’ll tell you this, Carlos. Come over today for dinner and we’ll talk about it. Make a plan or whatever and you can have your talk with TK about Alex. See if he even thinks you should go, although it is up to you. You can sleep over even if you’d like. I know TK would.”

“Sure, Owen,” Carlos accepted. “And if you and TK don’t mind, I’d like to sleepover. It would make it easier.”

“Then we have a deal. Meet us at 5. I’m assuming you know where we live.” And then Captain Strand hung up. 

Tying his shoelace, Carlos tried to calm his anxious mind. This is just a conversation, Carlos had to reassure himself. Yet it was much bigger than just a "conversation". He was about to face his boyfriend and his father about confronting his boyfriend's ex. Of course, this is way bigger than a conversation and Carlos has no clue how it'll resolve. It could go south within any second and Carlos—curse everyone—has zero control over it. 

He stood back up straight, shaking his arms in an attempt to release his nerves. He walked over to his dresser mirror one last time and fixed himself up. Despite meeting Owen in so many circumstances, this feels different. Carlos feels like he's about to mess with fire. He nodded at himself before turning around and walking out the door. He picked up his keys from the living room table and grabbed his coat before leaving his house. 

_You got this, Reyes_ , he reminded himself and drove off.

* * *

TK has never been more thankful than now. Whoever created elevators were a blessing. He leaned against the wall, listening to all the gears and the machinery shift and operate as he bit his lip, attempting to keep in the groan of pain that was threatening to pass his lips. He couldn’t wait to go back inside his and Alex’s high–rise apartment and sleep forever. The hospital took it out of him, the injury itself took it out of him, and he was so happy that his bed was only a couple of doors down. 

The elevator doors opened, and TK grabbed his crutches, hopping on his non–broken foot. Coming to his door, he pulled out his keys and unlocked the door. Behind it was a sight to see. 

Alex, sitting on the couch with a bag of TK’s (Alex never mentioned taking an interest in the food) vegan popcorn while watching _Gilmore Girls_. 

“What the hell?”

“Hi, TK—TK! What happened? That looks like it hurts,” Alex said, now sitting up, popcorn crumbs fell onto his lap and the couch. 

“Because it does, fool,” TK replied. “Can you help me?” 

“I… sure, I guess.” TK bit back the urge to curse at him and offered a weak smile. “Couch or bed?”

“Bed.” And then he asked, “Why weren’t you at the hospital? Jones said he called you.” Alex grabbed TK by the bicep, leading him down the short hallway—couldn’t even be considered one. The apartment was 670 square feet after all.—and into the bedroom. He lied TK down and then walked over to the closet. 

“Guess I was busy.”

“You were or you’re guessing, Alex?”

“I was! Also, who’s Jones? I didn’t get no call from him.” 

“Jones? The EMT guy. Remember when we went clubbing that one time and he tagged along?”

Alex let out a small sound as he remembered. “Yeah, sure. That weird guy with that ugly headwrap?”

“You mean his hijab?”

“Yeah,” Alex said. “Those.” 

“That’s so like… rude. Why the fuck would you say that? And he’s not weird.”

“TK, I swear to God, I am _not_ having this argument with you.”

“I’m not starting anything.”

“Yes, you are! You’re defending him!”

“He’s literally my friend? That’s what friends do.”

“Well,” Alex huffed, voice rising. “I don’t want you to be. You two are _way_ too buddy-buddy for my liking.”

“Uh–huh. Sure, too buddy-buddy my ass, Alex. What about you and that girl at your job? That’s way too buddy-buddy for _my_ liking.”

“Tyler, it’s literally my job.”

“What’d I tell you about calling me that?”

“Shut the fuck up before I snap your other leg.”

* * *

“You okay? You’ve been quiet for a while.”

“I’m fine,” TK replied, voice tight as he rested his face on the heel of his palm. Owen raised his eyebrows, humming sarcastically. 

“Mhm. I know your ‘I’m fine’s and this one speaks that you’re in your head again.”

“Am not.”

“TK.”

“I’m fine, seriously. Carlos is coming over for dinner, he’s staying the night. I get to spend my night with my two favorite people, why would I be anything other than happy?”

“Have you talked to your therapist about you–know–who visiting?” Owen asked, going into the fridge to pull out some ingredients he purchased from the market earlier. Owen was definitely a better cook than TK but Carlos was going to aid him as they danced around the subject of Alex. Owen was eager to figure out how Carlos was going to bring this one up. Or maybe he would have to. 

“Nope. Not yet. Although, ” he said, dragging out the word, “I have talked to Carlos and we both made some realizations.”

“Which are?” Owen questioned as he turned on the stove, placing the room temperature water on the heating surface. 

“That we both love each other.” A grin made its way to TK’s lips as his cheeks began to heat up, turning a light shade of red as he fiddled with his fingers. He sensed Owen drilling holes into his head. He looked up, sucking his bottom lip in. “What? Do you think it was too early? Because—because I don’t think it was. I mean, we are moving at a slightly slower pace. I thought it was the right time. Oh Lord, was it not? Tell me the truth. Don’t lie.”

Owen smiled softly. “No. I think it was good timing if you mean it.”

“I know I’ve been feeling it for a while now. I just think I didn’t know what it really was until Alex came and Carlos ended up ditching Mrs. Reyes to come to my rescue. He also showed me his sacred spot which apparently no one else knows of, so that’s cool.” 

“Is that where you admitted it?” Owen asked as he retreated back to the fridge. 

“Yeah.” 

The room was silent for a moment, the only noise being heard of the boiling water. Owen opened his mouth as if he were going to say something before closing it shut. 

“You know,” he paused again. “I’m really proud of you.” 

“Is that so?” TK asked, laughing softly. 

“I am. Seriously. I know admitting that alone is hard but after the day you had? After everything that happened in New York? That’s some brave stuff, kid. And you didn’t hit the ground running for the hills.”

“It was scary at first. I was planning to but got hesitant, you know? Like what if he didn’t feel the same and then he made some joke about getting lost and I just knew. That was what I wanted. That I had to say something. That he’s what I wanted. So I said it and you should’ve seen his face, Dad. His eyes got all bright and his cheeks were all blushy and he got all soft before admitting he loves me back.” 

"I'm glad for you, son," Owen replied, a huge smile making its way to his face as he turned around, chopping up onions and tomatoes as the two grew quiet. _We're going to be okay_ , TK thought. 

Sometimes he hates himself for always speaking too soon. 

* * *

It was about 5 when Carlos finally arrived at the Strand residence. He's assuming this is a good time for dinner. Don't people usually eat at 5 or 6? He shrugged it off, turning off the radio. Something about Trump getting impeached again. God, Carlos hopes so.

He stepped out of the car, closing the door behind him, and quickly shot TK a text that he was— _finally_ —here. By the time he was at the second to last step, the door swung open, and there stood TK who was currently rocking a white polo and some tight grey jeans that hugged his legs in all the right places. He offered Carlos a small smile, opening his arms to which in response, Carlos walked straight into. He wrapped his arms tight around TK's neck, feeling the other's arm squeeze his waist. He placed a small kiss on his collarbone before pulling back. 

"Hi," he whispered. TK's eyes softened and Carlos swears he just fell in love all over again. 

"Hi, Los." He leaned up, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, bringing his palms up to his cheeks to pull him closer. Carlos kissed back instantly, his hands making their way to TK's back, firmly pressed against his spinal cord. Carlos was the first to pull back, resting his forehead on TK's, eyes staring into his. His chest exploded with so many feelings and a very special thanks to whoever was listening for bringing this man into his life. 

Owen cleared his throat from behind him, causing them to separate. "TK are you going to invite Carlos in or just let him stand there?" TK's ears reddened at the comment, stumbling over his words before pulling out a, "yeah, right" and led Carlos by the hand to his living room. 

TK pulled Carlos down onto the couch and placed his hand on his thigh. Carlos laid his head on his shoulder before commenting, "Don't start something you can't finish, Ty." 

"Me?" TK asked, voice teasing. "I wasn't even doing anything." 

"You totally knew what you were doing. Plus, I thought I was helping your dad fix dinner." TK rolled his eyes and gave his thigh a quick squeeze. 

"I doubt it'll hurt him any if you just sat here with me for five minutes." 

"TK, if he's anything like you in the kitchen—" 

Owen cut Carlos off with an, "I'm not!" 

"He's way more skilled, don't worry. Just sit here and relax. We both need it." 

"Okay." 

"I love you," he whispered. 

"I love you, too," he whispered back. 

* * *

Eventually, Carlos got up—much against TK's protests—and assisted Owen in the kitchen. Cooking went fast as all three joked around, TK trying to shush Owen as he retold stories of silly and very much embarrassing things he did as a kid. Carlos laughed and in return told Owen stories, too. It warmed his heart, honestly. Carlos couldn't remember a time where he felt this welcomed in a household other than his home, let alone a _partner's_ house, with their _parent_. 

They all sat at the table, TK and Owen facing each other and Carlos at the end, lasagna and other goods in front of them. They passed around plates and bowls before falling into a comfortable silence until Owen ruined it. 

"So, TK," he started. A hum from the younger Strand continued him on, "Remember how Alex came over to the firehouse the other day." Dios Mio. So this is how Owen's bringing up the topic. Carlos felt his heart racing as he shoved the bread roll in his mouth, chewing hard. 

"Yeah. Thank God he finally went away,” TK laughed, moving a fork filled with lasagna towards his mouth. At the silence he received, he raised his eyebrows, mouth opened, and pulled away from the fork. He licked his lips. “What?” 

Carlos looked over at Owen before taking TK’s hand. “Actually, that’s why I came over. We have to talk to you about something.” 

Noticing the way TK stiffened, he squeezed his hand. A small reassurance. 

_I love you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please because u guys dont know how long ive struggled w this title for. also, the first part thingy has been sitting in my drafts since AUGUST. i finally did smth w it 🥰
> 
> also, we get to watch mark elias (at least im like 99% sure tims the one who goes 💀. lolol im so funny) lose his job tonight!! how are yall feeling? 
> 
> hope u guys enjoyed!! this one's a bit longer and i cut like 1/4 of the ending for next chapter but i love you guys. thank u ssososososososo much for 300 kudos. like??? what?? the?? fuck??? 
> 
> my tumblrs the same username as here so if u guys want mutals to talk ab lone star or wtv, i got u. remember to wear a mask, drink water, and that ur worth more than anything <3

**Author's Note:**

> i feel like i portrayed TK and alex's characters sooo bad but lol idc anymore at this point. i was mad when i wrote this, so hence that argument, but i hoped u guys enjoyed. comments/kudos r hella appreciated!!
> 
> also, do yall want a part 2 or more maybe???? (if u do, leave ideas in the comments hehe)


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